Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Lil' Kim Is The New Martha Stewart

I never expected this -- Lil' Kim was just sentenced to 1 year and 1 day in PRISON, y'all!!!

As if prison time wasn't bad enough, she also has to pay a $50,000 fine and serve 3-years of probation after she gets out of prison. She must surrender herself by September 19th. It could have been worse, she was eligible for a 20 year prison sentence.

Apparently, she wept as she clutched her Bible as the sentence was read to her ... but she owned up to her crime:

"I take full blame for my actions," she said. "It was wrong, and this is the worst thing I've ever been through."

We'll miss you Queen Bee ... keep your head up girl ... if Martha can survive then so can you.

Anyone For Cottage Cheese?!

Jamie Lynn Spears has been out of sight for a little while now ... and I think I know why:

Oh man ... this is such a bad look for her ... her hair looks like a bad wig. What is going on ... are all the stylists on strike or are they just mean? Whoever told Jamie Lynn that this was a good look for her should be fired ... then rehired, slapped across the face and then fired again.

Since the picture of Jason Alexander (K-Fed wanna-be extraordinaire) with the woman with the freakishly long tongue (not Shar Jackson -- just a random "fan") created such a stir yesterday ... it's back today in a larger size:

Daaaaamn ... that is one long ass, freaky-deaky tongue! Shoot ... what does Jason Alexander need with Britney Spears when he can have a woman with such talents?

Yikes! They are both pretty damn frightening ...

... But nothing, and I mean NOTHING could be more frightening ... more terrifying than what you are about to see with your own eyes ... I'm really sorry -- very sorry to do this to you ... but check out Kim Stewart ... in a *puke* bikini:

ARGHSHDKLSKJLKDHGKSDJFIDJIJFIDSHHHHHH!!!! BOO!! Now you know why I can't stand cottage cheese!!! I really think I am done using my eyes now ... don't be surprised if I decide to poke them out of my skull so as never to bear witness to such a terrible sight as this again. These pictures are so wrong ... on so many levels ... that girl needs an ass ... paging Dr. 90210 -- Emergency!! Emergency!!!

Here is another picture of David and Victoria Beckham who are currently in Singapore:

I'm not sure if you can tell but Victoria is actually asleep ... her face is so pumped full of botox that she can't even close her eyes anymore ... even her eyeballs are botoxed to death (which is why she doesn't need to blink). See that folks, that's how you stay young and pretty. You just need to become plastic.

Ashley Olsen is a fan of flea markets:

I cannot get over how great she looks ... you can tell she has put on a little, healthy weight. Good for her! Mary Kate Olsen, on the other hand, is not a fan of flea markets ... she is a fan of expensive hair salons ... and we can't tell if she has put on weight because she insists on wearing such baggy clothing:

Here's hoping the Olsen twins keep eating ... keep gaining weight ... and keep themselves alive.

Paris2 spent some time in Greece, and they took Tara Reid with them:

I think Paris Hilton is a genius ... if you party with Tara Reid it doesn't matter what you do ... you will always look better in comparison. Brilliant!

Since all the celebs are getting pregnant (Britney Spears, Jennifer Garner, Demi Moore?) it seems that Tara Reid is carrying babies of her own -- look at the size of her bumps:

Except when she gives birth, she is going to have 2 large silicone filled sacks to nurse and carry around as her own children. Them suckers are bound to pop right out of her boob scars. BOING! BOING!

I have to give snaps to Hilary Duff for her bold fashion sense ... check out this ensemble:

Personally, I think it mostly works ... I think I could do without the black hose but overall she looks cute. I wonder what she picked up at Barney's? Check out the cover of Hilary's upcoming Best Of cd entitled Most Wanted:

Awesome! Hmm ... I wonder if there is a way that I could meet her when she comes to Detroit ... that would be hella-rad!

Jessica Simpson is on the cover of the new issue of Elle magazine:

She looks awesome! I much prefer this look to the one on the GQ cover.

Tobey Maguire has got himself a woman:

Who apparently still wants to be with him since he let himself plump out ... I'm betting it's because he's rich.

Elisha Cuthbert (AKA Her Royal Thighness, II) is an amazing actress with amazing range ... if you need a girl covered in blood (or caught in a cougar trap) she's your go-to girl:

She's great at clutching teddy bears to her bosom as well. Oscar-caliber actress, y'all!!!

Jake Gyllenhaal is on the cover of Vitals magazine ... and on the inside is this cool collage of pictures:

Jakey has been keeping his datebook filled with little meet-ups with Kirsten Dunst. They spent a little time shopping at a bookstore:

And they had a nice little lunch together on July 4th:

I think that Kirsten has got a plan up her sleeve ... she seems to be putting the moves on Mr. Jake ... I'm sure her girlfriends (Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie) know all about her schemes:

Sneaky, sneaky chicks ... always plotting to get their men ... I loves it!

The fab kids from MisShapes keep throwing the best parties in New York City ... I <3 them totally for allowing us to enjoy their exploits vicariously each week ... check out these awesome pictures of Astro, Kristen, Stevie, Greg K. and Alexis:

Doesn't Greg K. look hot in the pink eyeshadow?! These kids are the hottest make-up gurus around. Astro (who is a former club kid) is just plain fab, Kristen (who looks exactly like Ashlee Simpson) has an amazing site HERE of some of her make-up work, Stevie is responsible for the fun make-up that Greg K. is wearing (check out Stevie's site HERE) and Alexis designs product for MAC cosmetics. I am *so* not hip enough to make this look work ... but maybe someday. I cannot wait until I can get my ass back to NYC to play with these kids ... They are so freaking fun!

LOL! Check out this amazingly hilarious t-shirt:

I think I'm going to start using Cruisazy in every day conversation. For example, Did you see that idiot cut me off at the intersection? What, is he fucking Cruisazy?! and so forth ... Click HERE to get this shirt for yourself.

And finally ... since we're on a Tom Cruise is totally Cruisazy kick, check out

There is A LOT of hilarious reading to do there ... you must check it out!!!

It's time for the news:
I had the best time yesterday. After a quick trip to Louis Vuitton (don't ask, I was bad again) I met up with a super sexy DIVA who took me out for dinner and then a fun shopping spree for my birthday:

Check out the super dope, phat, illin' coat she bought ... yeah, she's just an around-the-way girl from the block, yo! I can't wait to wear the birthday present she got for me!!!

Erik got some great news yesterday ... he is going to get a brand new car this week! How cool is that?! Hmm ... now I want to get a new car too ...

Today is going to be chill ... as is most of my summer. Gotta love having the summer off. Lates!