Britney and Kevin are fuming mad ... and shopping at Walmart in Kentwood, LA:


Usually the pair are quite happy to let the public watch them do everything from entering gas station bathrooms while barefoot to getting married in trashy style ... but I guess everyone has their limits. Britney has released an official statement regarding her extreme displeasure that US Weekly has published "private" photos of Spederline while on their honeymoon in Fiji. I am going to save you the trouble of picking up your own copy of US Weekly (on news stands now) and offer you scans of the Britney-related pages from this week's issue:

Cover, Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Page 4, Page 5, Page 6

Enjoy!

In other Spederline news, I first read at Thighs Wide Shut that there is a rumor going around that Kevin has secured Michael Bolton (yes, that Michael Bolton) to produce his album. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. We all know that it would be in Kev's best interest to enlist someone like Flava Flav to produce (or at least Vanilla Ice). Kevin's hip-hop cred is quickly fading ...

I was very sad to learn that My Super Sweet 16 is going to air its season finale next Tuesday. I loved this show from day 1 and assumed that we would be treated to many weeks of spoiled rotten beyotches throwing lavish parties for our amusement. Sadly, the show is coming to an end. People have taken a particular dislike of our most recent Super Sweet 16er Natalie:


... and it's easy to see why. How can you not look at her huge nose ... it's very distracting. My favorite part of her episode was when My Super Sweet 16s collided ... Jacqueline from the first episode went to Natalie's party and commented that it was "way better" than her lame ass party at the Hard Rock Cafe. Take Hart Jacqueline (get it, "Hart" was the name of the only "boy" Super Sweet 16) at least you had Unwritten Law play your party (if your daddy really loved you and had paid the 1/2 million to get Beyoncé to play then there would be no doubt that you had the best party ... sadly, that wasn't the case) while Natalie just had her fat dad at her party. Here's hopin' that MTV seeks out new snobby brats to showcase next season!

I love Reese Witherspoon:


And we've always known that homegirl loves the ganja!

Nikki Hilton spent some time hanging out with Nicole Richie:


It looks like Paris needed a break from her Simple Life co-star. It's nice to see the socialites getting along so famously.

Speaking of getting along famously, sisters Kylie and Dannii Minogue were seen together at a fashion event:


It's only a matter of time before one of them strangles the other for pop supremacy.

Jason Mraz learns the downside to fucking a bunch of groupies while on the road:


They have ointments for the burning ... Good luck, Jase.

Why is Kelly Rowland on the cover of Modern Bride:


Didn't she just dump her fiancee?

Everyone is all up-in-arms over the news that Bugs Bunny and Co. are going to be getting an X-TREME makeover:


I love the classics but I don't mind change ... I'm not sure of the premise though ... are the Looney Tunes superheros now? Zap! Pow! Zowie!

Have you heard, Pink is the new assault rifle:


Apparently the Dream Machine Gun is THE gift of choice for sweet 16s in many of the Red States. God bless America.

And finally, one of the Olsen twins (at press time, her identity couldn't be confirmed) was seen wandering the streets muttering to herself:


Was she hungry? Was she dying for a fix? I suspect she was just missing the Pink attention. Well, here you go Olsen ... Pink love from me to you.

And now, the news:

• Ashlee Simpson can't catch a break; is her live show cursed forever? She can't even get laid on the road!
• Bill Cosby escapes prosecution; sales of Jello Pudding Pops soar.
• Alanis Morissette becomes an A-mer-i-cun Ci-ti-zun.
• I don't think the world is ready to learn the details of Michael Jackson's "bizarre-looking penis".
• Ellen DeGeneres is trying to find a man for Tara Reid. If you think you can handle the crabs and herpes, HERE is the application.
• The Rock urges closeted gay actors to come out; Dwayne should heed his own advice.
• Jennifer Lopez 's people deny that she is pregnant; ready to release third, and most unnecessary, video for Get Right.
• Marilyn Manson gets ready for spring wedding ... I think Dita Von Teese should be on the cover of Modern Bride.
• Madonna is so geeked to be playing a transvestite that she's doing so for free.
• Brad and Jen are finally sawn apart.
• Anna Nicole Smith has apparently run out of appeals ... how will Bobby Trendy get paid from now on?
• Aaron Carter brags about his relations with both Hilary Duff and Lindsay Lohan.
• Gwen Stefani sings back-up on hubby Gavin's new album (with a new band called Institute).
• Has Maverick Records lost their collective minds?! Why God, Why?!
• XBOX cables can burst into flames; order a replacement HERE.
• Bad news for stylish Detroiters, IKEA says no to Canton site. [thanks Kirsten]
• Here comes the Bat Crap.
• The Thigh Master gives us his Best of 2004 Movie Awards winners (effing hilarious read); Check him out PRE-THIGHS WIDE SHUT (it's kind of scary).
• Ultragrrrl makes my life.

Last night was really fun in 2 phases. Phase 1: VLB, Kirsten, Erik and I all went out for a wonderful sushi dinner (my 4th sushi dinner this week alone) at Little Tree. We ate a hughnormous amount of raw fish to our extreme glee. Phase 2: Scary Sarah, Jeremy, Erik and I met up at Luna for some deep, dark, 80's dancing. It was way fun ... a couple of chicks came up to Erik and me on the dancefloor to tell us that they "loved us".

I stayed out way too late and I'm tired as hell ... boo! I'm gonna go find a corner to nap in or something ... Ack!

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