Tuesday, September 21, 2004

May The Force Be With You ... In Remastered Digital Form


So here we have it ... the FIRST LOOK at Britney & Kevin's wedding invitations. They were sent out earlier this month stating that the wedding would take place on October 16th. And because there are MORE tidbits about how the whole thing went down, MTVnews has pieced together all the various bits of information:

Britney's mother, Lynne Spears, purchased casual slacks, while Britney's younger sister, Jamie Lynn, dyed her hair back to its original color of brown to prepare for the event. Britney, also back to brunette, spent the day prepping at the Burke Williams Spa in Santa Monica, where she checked in under the name Bella and had a facial and massage, according to TV show "The Insider." When the time came, friends and family (holed up at the Fairmont Miramar Hotel in Santa Monica) were driven by two vans to a secret location, save for Jamie Lynn, who pulled up in a black limo.

About 25 miles from the hotel, the wedding planner had made arrangements to hold the affair in Studio City, California, in the tented backyard of her ex-husband's house. Her ex also tailored custom-made tuxedoes for the groom and the men in the wedding party (Federline's brother was best man).

The low-key ceremony was short, starting at 7:30 p.m. and only lasting about five to 10 minutes. Spears walked down the aisle in a white strapless dress by designer Monique L'Huillier, with a long veil and a tiara. She carried a bouquet of pink and white roses, while her bridesmaids and maid of honor Jamie Lynn wore burgundy and carried red roses. For rings, the bride and groom swapped platinum bands -- a plain one for her, and one with diamonds for him.

Afterward, the wedding party and guests changed into made-for-the-occasion velour sweat suits, which were party gifts of a sort. Women got pink ones that read "Maids" and "Hot Mama" on the back, while men got white ones that read "Pimps" and "Pimp Daddy" on the back. Britney's sweat suit read "Mrs. Federline," while Kevin's read "Hers."

The menu reportedly included chicken fingers, cheeseburgers, crab cakes, ribs and Waldorf salad, but there was no open bar. Guests did get a gift bag that included Gap jeans, candy and a silver teardrop ring with an image of the bride and groom. Guests also reportedly had to sign an affidavit that they wouldn't take pictures.

At the late night/early morning reception, held at the Xes nightclub on the Sunset Strip, Spears and Federline's first dance as a married couple was to the tune of Journey's "Lights."


I love that they have a Journey song as one of their wedding songs ... I hate that they dined on chicken wings and cheeseburgers! Ah Britney, how I love you so ...

Sarah sent me a COOL ARTICLE that forecasts what the future will be like for Mr. & Mrs. Ratface Federline:

Looking ahead to Britney Spears’ future
How long till the prenup hits the Smoking Gun?

PARODY
By Kim Reed
MSNBC contributor
Updated: 10:11 p.m. ET Sept. 19, 2004

With Britney Spears' wedding to backup dancer/Red Bull aficionado Kevin Federline now confirmed, many fans (and foes) are wondering what will come next in the former Mouseketeer's career. Whatever happened to the teen who was "Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman"?

With the couple still measuring their wedded bliss in hours instead of days or weeks, prognosticators and pundits alike are trying to figure out what Britney's next move will be, and how her marriage will affect her career.

Many have criticized Britney's choices lately: an impulsive quickie marriage here, a barefoot journey into a public restroom there. At 22, she seems to be heading on a downward spiral, one from which she may never recover. Herewith, a glimpse into her future:

September 18, 2004: Britney Spears marries Kevin Federline in a small, private ceremony attended by family and close friends. Those worried that Britney is losing her sense of tackiness can rest assured that guests dined on chicken fingers and ribs, and the couple shared a first dance to Journey's "City By the Bay", played on a boombox. Of all the cheesy love songs Journey produced, the happy couple chose the one about San Francisco? In addition, the men in the wedding party donned matching warmup suits emblazoned with the word "Pimps" on the back. Classy!

September 22, 2004: Kevin Federline's ex-girlfriend Shar Jackson issues her own statement about how happy she is for the couple, and by the way, did you hear about her great idea for a reality show about a single mom?

October 2004: Tabloid reports begin to surface about Britney and Kevin feuding in public, and Britney travels to Louisiana to stay with her mother for a few weeks. Britney's publicist strenuously denies any problems in the marriage.

November 2004: Britney and Kevin do an exclusive primetime interview with Katie Couric during November sweeps. They discuss how they want to start a family as soon as possible. They also work in no less than 10 mentions of Britney's "Greatest Hits" CD, which drops Nov. 9.

April 2005: Britney reveals to a writer from Vanity Fair that she is pregnant and due in September. Vanity Fair puts her on the cover of its May issue, and there are behind-the-scenes reports from the photo shoot that Kevin wanted to be included in the photo and Britney refused. Allegedly, Kevin threw his half-empty can of Red Bull against the wall and stomped outside for a smoke. The cover photo featured a pregnant Britney alone.

September 2005: Justice Lynn Federline is born. Tabloids report that Kevin barely made it to the hospital in time for the birth of his third child, and rumors begin swirling that Britney and Kevin are no longer sharing a residence.

November 2005: Britney, Kevin, and Justice do an exclusive primetime sweeps interview with Diane Sawyer. Britney insists that her marriage is fine, and that they've never been happier.

January 2006: Britney files for divorce. The Smoking Gun Web site posts copies of Britney and Kevin's prenuptial agreement. Kevin countersues, protesting that he signed the prenup while under the influence, and thus was unable to make rational decisions. An anonymous source from Britney's camp asserts that even on a good day, Kevin is unable to make a rational decision. A California judge rules that the prenup is invalid, and Britney settles with Kevin for an undisclosed amount. Kevin promptly drops out of the public eye, and is last seen performing as a backup dancer on the New Kids on the Block reunion tour.

July 2006: Britney is photographed exiting a New York club with Tara Reid and Lindsay Lohan. Her publicist issues a statement that Britney was discussing potential film collaborations.

August 2006: Britney is photographed exiting a Los Angeles club with Ashton Kutcher, fresh from his July divorce from Demi Moore. Her publicist issues a statement that Britney was discussing a comeback vehicle for both of them, since Kutcher has not been seen on screen since "Punk'd: The Movie" bombed in late 2005.

September 2006: Britney delivers a rambling and incoherent discourse on the nature of celebrity during a press conference announcing the release of her new CD "Greatest Hits: Volume 2." Her publicist issues a statement that Britney is suffering from exhaustion and jet lag.

November 2006: Britney's new CD drops off the charts after spending two weeks at number 36. Rumors of Britney's mental deterioration fuel tabloid stories. Late in the month, Britney checks into Promises rehab center for a month-long stay for addiction to prescription painkillers.

January 2007: Even the tabloids stop paying attention to Britney.

October 2008: Almost two years after her last CD was released, Random House announces a Britney Spears tell-all memoir on their fall release list, titled "Sometimes I Run."

November 2008: Britney makes the talk show rounds to promote her new book. She wears a suit and appears both self-deprecating and lucid. "Sometimes I Run" stays on the New York Times Non-Fiction Best Seller List for 14 weeks. Critics hail the book as "courageous" and "juicy." In it, Britney reveals that she never stopped loving Justin Timberlake, and that all of 2004 was a reaction to losing him. When reached for comment, Justin (in the middle of his 'NSYNC reunion world tour) says, "Britney was my first love, and she will always have a special place in my heart." Meanwhile, tickets sales for 'NSYNC's tour are less than expected.

June 2009: Britney announces a string of performances in Las Vegas at the Colosseum at Caesar's Palace, recently vacated by Celine Dion. The shows sell out immediately, and Britney eventually performs a month's worth of shows to rave reviews, then takes time off to record a new album.

May 2010: Britney does a tongue-in-cheek cameo as herself on ABC's hip sitcom "No New Messages" during May sweeps.

June 2010: Paparazzi capture photos of Justin Timberlake kissing Britney on the cheek as they exit an L.A. restaurant. Britney's publicist claims that they are "old friends and nothing more."

July 2010: Justin Timberlake's publicist issues a statement confirming that he and Cameron Diaz have divorced, and Cameron will retain custody of their two children, Rhubarb and Scarlett. The publicist denies that Britney Spears had anything to do with the breakup.

November 2010: Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake do an exclusive prime time sweeps interview, in which they admit that they are dating, but are trying to take it slow. They record a duet of a dance version of "The Mickey Mouse Club Theme Song" which hits number one on the club charts.

December 2010: Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake get married on New Year's Eve in Memphis in a private ceremony. Shortly thereafter, Britney announces that she is pregnant, and due in early summer.

March 2025: Britney Spears is inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in her first year of eligibility. The nominating committee cites her pioneering work as a teen pop artist, and despite a few missteps early on in her career, acknowledge that her more mature sound paved the way for both male and female artists in the years to follow. Britney attends the ceremony with her husband and fellow inductee, Justin Timberlake, as well as their children Justice, Rhubarb, Scarlett, and Britain.

Britney is back, and it's fabulous.


Hilarious! You can find the URL of this article HERE. OOOH -- and, I'm not even kidding you, you can hear Britney rap HERE. LOL!

Alrighty, enough Britney (for now), let's get to the other news:

Did you know that Kurt Russell was considered to play Han Solo? Harrison Ford was a carpenter on the set and had been reading other parts for screen tests when he won the role. Apparently, there is a lot of new material included on the DVD release of the original Star Wars trilogy which is released today. Chances are that I'll probably buy my own copy even though the movies have been ALTERED and AMENDED. I find it a little annoying that they George Lucas would make changes to the original films but overall, it will be very cool to see all the movies in remastered form on DVD.

Other geek news, we now have the first look at Jessica Alba as Sue Storm in the upcoming Fantastic Four movie. THIS ARTICLE has more information on the movie -- did you know that Julian McMahon (Charmed, Nip/Tuck) is going to be Dr. Doom? That's hot!

And finally, John Kerry was on Late Night with David Letterman last night where he delivered the Top Ten List below:

Kerry's "Top 10 Bush Tax Proposals" are:

10. No estate tax for families with at least two U.S. presidents.
09. W-2 Form is now Dubya-2 Form.
08. Under the simplified tax code, your refund check goes directly to Halliburton.
07. The reduced earned income tax credit is so unfair, it just makes me want to tear out my lustrous, finely groomed hair.
06. Attorney General (John) Ashcroft gets to write off the entire U.S. Constitution.
05. Texas Rangers can take a business loss for trading Sammy Sosa.
04. Eliminate all income taxes; just ask Teresa (Heinz Kerry) to cover the whole damn thing.
03. Cheney can claim Bush as a dependent.
02. Hundred-dollar penalty if you pronounce it "nuclear" instead of "nucular."
01. George W. Bush gets a deduction for mortgaging our entire future.


Boo! I want John Kerry to win the presidency! I want GWB to get fired! Boo! Boo! Boo!

And now I have to work ... I shall return ...