We are one week away from the premiere of Britney & Kevin: Chaotic:


Lordy ... I just know that show is going to be freaking hilarious to watch. In other Spears news, here are a few pictures of Jamie-Lynn Spears from her photoshoot with John McKee:


She looks just like Britney from her innocent early days ... history does repeat itself, don't it? You can see the rest of the photoshoot pictures HERE via ONTD!.

ATTENTION: 24 SPOILER ALERT WARNING

A lot of very important things happened last night on 24, unfortunately the episode itself was a bit of a snoozer:


I think they wasted too much time on the Chinese official. I wonder if all of this last-minute business with the Chinese government is all set up for the next season -- the US at war with China? Whatever ... you just knew that Jack was finally going to catch Marwan ... it's about time too. We need a whole episode of Jack torturing Marwan and Marwan taunting Jack with the "You'll never stop me"s. Well the nuclear missile is in the air ... how in the hell is CTU going to be able to 1.) find the missile, 2.) intercept the missile, 3.) secure the missile without letting it detonate and 4.) keep Jack Bauer from flailing Habib Marwan? I guess we'll find out soon enough.

Geeze ... have you heard that Renée Zellweger and country artist Kenny Chesney got married yesterday?


I can't believe that Renée would get married to someone so soon ... I can't believe she would marry a country singer. I understand the appeal of a dirty rocker boy like Jack White but Kenny Chesney appears in many of his videos wearing sleeveless t-shirts (if a shirt at all), barefoot and with his trademark puka shell necklace (The first one of you who says a thing about how I still <3 Britney Spears is going to get it!!!). This reeks of an alcohol-inspired matrimony ... we'll see how long it lasts.

Hey folks ... He's baaaaack! Who is this mysterious ridiculous dude that is hanging out with Lindsay Lohan?


A few people believe that he is Taran Noah Smith (ex-Mark on Home Improvement). I've checked out a few pictures of what Taran looks like now and it could be him. Whoever he is he is totally worth talking about ... the hair ... I love the hair! It looks like Little Orphan Annie meets Sideshow Bob. Someone needs to tell homeboy that those capri pants do nothing for him ... he needs to Nad's those legs and then we can talk. They need to put this guy on TV ... he's way more entertaining to look at than, say, Bobby Trendy. In all of this hair insanity it's almost easy to overlook Ms. Lohan:


Actually, it's easy to overlook Lindsay seeing how skinny she's gotten lately. She and Nicole Richie have really lost a lot of weight. I hope it's not drugs. Just say no, Divas! Just say no!

Ashlee Simpson took her little pooch out for a walk the other day:


I don't remember Ashlee getting a tattoo on her ankle ... I wonder why she got cherries? Maybe so she can honestly tell her dad that she still has hers? Ohhh, that was bad ... Anyways, her hair seems a little darker ... she needs to dye it black ... maybe that will save the geometric cut from hell.

Josh Madden is pretty fly for a white guy:


The boy looks totally fierce in Chanel ... and I hate him for it! But seriously, he's the coolest guy ever ... I'm so glad that I get to call him a friend. He's about to take a fun trip and I hope he has a safe and extremely fun time!

David Beckham just turned 30 years old and here is a picture of him with wife Skeletor Victoria Beckham as they arrive at his birthday celebration:


30-year old dudes are HOT ... wouldn't you agree?

Jesse Mcartney is in the new issue of A&F Magazine:


It's too bad that Abercrombie & Fitch cleaned up their act ... does anyone else really miss their infamous catalogs as much as I do? Those catalogs has really interesting articles to read.

Paris² like to hold hands:


... ain't they sweet? I hate that they are dragging their feet on the release of their sex tape ... it's just plain rude to keep us waiting.

Whoa ... did you know that Pamela Anderson has huge boobs?


I know she got a boob job but I thought she also got a boob reduction ... did she get them put back in or something? I'm so confused ... anyways ... enjoy her boobs!

Yikes ... Natalie Portman shaved off all of her hair for her next movie role!


She looks very Sinéad O'Rebellion with her shock me, shock me, shock me deviant make-over. The Greek Princess has a picture of the movie poster HERE. [thanks to Egotastic for the head's up]

Jessica Simpson ... large and in charge ...


Them some mighty big boots she got there ... I she doing anything these days? With Dukes in the can ... do we know if she's working on an album or something?

Jennifer Aniston is on the prowl:


Apparently she's trolling the airports looking for a man ... or something like that.

This picture is so wrong in so many ways:


Big Boi ... I'm shocked! I can't believe the company you keep! What will Andre 3000 say?!

Here is a picture of Bennifer 2.0 taken this past weekend:


It's the first picture of Jennifer Garner since "official" reports of her pregnancy came out. She doesn't look so much pregnant as she does frumpy ... but Ben Affleck looks frumpy too ... I wonder if he is also pregnant?

Ashley Olsen, with large men in tow, decided that she needed to buy a new vehicle:


No doubt she purchased some $80,000.00+ gas guzzling SUV type monstrosity ... What is it with little rich girls wanting huge-ass monster vehicles? I never understood that.

Here are some stills from the upcoming movie version of Bewitched:


I'm so mad that the movie's plot sounds so horrible because the movie has so much potential to be good ... I like Nicole Kidman as Samantha ... Boo, I guess we'll see how it turns out.

And finally, are you ready for the onslaught of Star Wars crap that is heading our way?


Darth Vader slurpees? I miss the days of the collector's glasses from Burger King when Return of the Jedi came out. Ahh ... those were the days.

Let's do the news:

• Short Imagined Monologues: Bit Bit, Speak!
• Kelly Osbourne is about to release her sophomore album. I've heard it -- it's awesome!
• Halle Berry is lookin' to make a withdrawal from the sperm bank.
• Billy Corgan has titled his solo album TheFutureEmbrace, check out the tracklist HERE.
• But what I want to know is where can I get a shirt like THIS?
• Tommy Lee is a Hort Boy.
• Paula Abdul was asked to appear in 3 skits on SNL this past weekend ... she only opted for the opening skit. Apparently she "burst into tears" right before going on and was unhappy with the way the skit turned out.
• The Pat O'Brien soundboard. [via DirtyFlower.com]
• Is Brad Pitt moving to London to be closer to Angelina Jolie?
• Tony Danza almost died!!! Well not really ... but he did ALMOST DIE!!!
• Check out Aaron Carter's profile on My Space -- we're friends. Make sure you check out his pix ... but be careful if you're at work.
• LOL! Representative Barney Frank is really grabby. [via Perez Hilton]
• How did you celebrate Orgasm Day? [via VLB]
• Daft Punk gets remiXXXed by Peaches. Hot!
• E! searches for America's Next Paris Hilton. That's haute!
• Search the Whedonverse HERE.
• Jesus Christ has his own legal woes.

Spent a quiet night at home ... which was nice ... there is talk of seeing the movie Palindromes tonight ... which might be nice. Later.

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